Session 3 - No Fear in Love
- Intimidation and Fear
- The Great Lie
- Choices and Freedom
- Successful Parenting
There is a constant battle between fear and love.
Intimidation and Fear
Video illustrating Fear: http://www.youtube.com/watch?
There were a few Videos sent with the notes on Session 1 that refer to Red Truck/Yellow Truck, Living Free, Creating Connections and Instructing with the eyeball. This would be a great time to review them.
The following Video discusses Fear and The fear Reflex (it was also in posted in Session 1), The screen prints below are from that Video.
We trigger a panic response, a natural response within every human. And a child is a human.
There is a something planted in your brain called an Amygdala. When your Amygdala gets high-jacked, you become disconnected. It happens when you get startled, you just react. You go into survival mode and prepare to fight for your life.
When your child says "I have had enough of being afraid of you". We call it rebellion.
I set you up to give me your worst, and then I punish your worst.
This might fit into our current culture. And it might fit our FALSE Paradigm of God, but it is not NOT HEAVEN.
1 John 4:18 (KJV)
18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
The Great Lie
- Violence = Power
- Anger = Power
- You can be controlled by other people
- Therefore, you can control other people
The truth:
- It is your job to do something
- it is NOT your job to get others to do something
- Shared Control = I am FREE, You are FREE
Choices and Freedom
How does God Love, Parent, and govern you? With Unconditional love and trusting you with a whole "lotta" freedom.
- It is your job to do something
- it is NOT your job to get others to do something
- Shared Control = I am FREE, You are FREE
How do we introduce practices that decrease anxiety and increase love connection (the safe place)
OFFER CHOICES
Examples: Here are you choices: A or B.
They Say 'C'
Repeat over and over, if needed. Here are you choices: A or B.
or "How would you like to sit in that chair until you chose A or B."
Feel free to get out of the chair when you chose A or B.
If they won't sit in the chair: You have a choice, sit in the chair by yourself, or sit in it with me holding you in it.
Fun to be with example:
Dinner routine is to have a desert. Danny's son only ate dinner for the desert, because he could not have desert if he didn't eat his dinner. So while he is eating dinner, he is making faces, moaning, whining... His mom says "You are not very fun to be with right now, you can choose to be fun to be with or to go to your room until you are fun to be with.
Chores Example
Brittany's Mom reminded her over and over: "Brittany, Dishes". There was always an excuse, or an "I will". But by the next morning, they were not done. Sherry was very upset and asked Danny what he was going to do about it. Since he handed it off to him, he took it. He went down and did Brittany's 7 minute chore. (they have a dishwasher).
when Brittany got home with her friend, she asked to go to the mall. He told her he did her a favor and took care of her dishes. She said "OH NO you're going to trade me chores." He nodded and gave her the choice of the trash shed or the chicken coop. She looked at both, and decided on the chicken coop. He asked if she wanted to do it today or tomorrow. Her eyes brightened.... I can do it tomorrow??? Can I go to the mall??? He said if she wanted.... Of course, she was very happy.
The next day, it poured and poured. He gave her more choices... Raincoat or the nice jacket she was wearing? Rain boots or the nice shoes she was wearing? Shovel or Rake.. of course she said both. It took her 3 hours in the pouring rain.
The next time, however, when her Mom said "Brittany, Dishes" and Brittany did not respond.... Danny said "It's okay Brittany, I will do your chore.... Of course Brittany came running and said "Oh No, don't you touch my dishes!"
Successful Parenting
Set firm limits
Give Choices within limits
Let the consequences mixed with empathy be the teacher
Protect the connection you have with your kids by lowering anxiety, accepting that kids will make mistakes.
In Christ,
Sandra
No comments:
Post a Comment