No bible verses were displayed, and no videos were available to help refresh our minds. Loving on Purpose only allows so many video portions to be distributed, so I might not find too many more on this particular book. But here are my notes in case you missed something:
Session Two - Language of Empowerment
- Behaviors
- Learning the Language
- Mistake Management
Remember the KEY is
- to manage yourself no matter what your children do. You are the only one you can control. Your children need to learn to manage themselves.
- Transfer control of your children's problems back to them. You are a resource for them, not solving it for them because they do not learn anything that way.
- Let them live their lives in front of you, acknowledging that they will be making mistakes (over and over) while they are learning. But you love them through it anyway.
- GOAL: NEVER TO HAVE ANOTHER ARGUMENT WITH A CHILD
You can teach an old dog new tricks: See this video from Pet Star of a dog who exercises self control with a ball http://www.youtube.com/
Behaviors
List of behaviors the parents would like to see reduced/removed. This list appears to be the same regardless of where the class is being held.
- Disrespect
- Chores
- Homework
- Defiance
- Backtalk
- Lying
- Hitting/Bullying
- Low Self Esteem
Learning the Language
One-Liners (originated from Love and Logic). These are in response to children's attempts to argue with you. "I love you too much to argue with you" I will never try to control your thinking, but I will always be an influence, and interject if needed.
- I know
- Probably so
- That could be
- I don't know
- Nice Try
Mistake Management
- Oh No! (I'm sad for you because there are consequences that usually follows these mistakes)
- What are you going to do? (You have the power to solve your problem. I am sure you will do a good job. I am here to help if you need. I love you.)
- If they say "I don't know", you can have the key to their heart when you help them with solutions.
- How is that going to work for you? (when they come up with some of their own solutions, you might need to say this)
- keep leading them to solve their own problem. When they want you to do it, let them know that you don't have a problem, they do. "I know where my backpack is" "I don't have homework" etc.
- When they say: "You want me to ...." you can say "you don't HAVE to"
- If it is their night to do the dishes and they say "I am not doing them" you say "No problem for me.. Possible problem coming up for you, though. I love you very much. " see pg 21.
- SMILE, the one with NO PROBLEM is the one that smiles. You don't have a problem, they do.
Essentially you are saying, "I need you to fix your problem and clean up the mess. I am here to help you, but I will not do it for you."
"Fun to be with" - There are two people in this relationship. Respect goes both ways. If you did not set limits early on, then you taught your child that there is only one person in this relationship that matters... THEM.
Summary
It is not a parent's job to control their child; it is a parent's job to teach them to control themselves and to be an example of what self-control looks like.
More links from Love and Logic Parenting:
Also, I included many documents that Love and Logic put out regarding this topic.
Good Luck!
Your Sister in Christ,
Sandra
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